One of my major life lessons has been the importance of actively making big decisions. I like big decision points and I
like to make big decisions, but sometimes this requires me to consciously frame a problem
and force a big decision. In many cases, unless we force ourselves to make big
decisions, we make a series of incremental decisions that may not seem like
much at the time. However, when taken as a whole, these series of incremental
decisions may place us in a position we never would have chosen if it had been
viewed as a “big decision”. Let me
offer a specific example.
Relationships often require big decisions. For the most
part, we all want positive relationships that make us better people and allow
us to be a force for good in other’s lives. Few of us would choose to be in a
negative relationship, much less an abusive one – this would definitely qualify as a
big decision. However, relationships change over time. What starts out as a
positive relationship can morph, over time, into a negative relationship and a
series of small decisions to excuse or allow certain behaviors can have
negative implications on the quality of our relationship.
So how do we understand and address this behavior? One
approach is to regularly review our relationships, determine our options and
force a big decision. What’s a big decision? A big decision might be to launch
a major effort to repair a relationship or even to end a relationship, at least
for a season. One of my early career mentors taught me this important lesson in
respect to making big decisions for employer/employee relationships.
Some employees stay in a job they hate, with an employer
they dislike or a boss that makes them miserable, simply because they have made
a series of small decisions and have not made a big decision. Few people would
make the big decision to work in a position that is non-fulfilling, but a series of
small decisions have led them to an identical place.
My mentor countered this by consciously scheduling a personal resume review and update session each quarter, timed to occur when our publicly traded employer released quarterly
earnings. After reviewing and updating his resume, my mentor would make a
purposeful decision to put the resume back in his desk or to begin looking for
a new job. In the three years he mentored me, I never knew him to look for a
new job, but I also knew this was a big decision he had made.
He literally forced himself to make a quarterly big decision
so he would never be in a position where a series of small decisions have replaced
a big decision. This approach doesn’t solve all life’s problems – sometimes
decisions are made for us or are made outside of our control. But for the most
part, actively making big decisions puts us back in the drivers seat.
So, how about you? Are you making big decisions?
