What I think Steve Jobs could have learned from my dad

A couple weeks ago, I finished reading Steve Jobs' biography by Walter Isaacson for the first time. I say for the first time because I think it's going to take me a couple reads to understand the true nature of the biography and perhaps, the man himself. Our church had a book club discussion about the biography for last night and I thought I'd share my thoughts on Isaacson's book, Jobs' life and what I took away from my reading experience. 

Before any of my comments, a couple disclosures. I've always been a Mac guy. I'm writing this post on a MacBook, I used my iPad this morning to process email and I used my iPhone to track my morning run. So for all intents and purposes, I'm a fan of Jobs' work and his legacy. His products have literally changed the way I work and manage my life. To my mind, Jobs is one of the premier inventors of the current and last centuries - right up there with other names like Disney, Bell, Edison and Wright. 

Still, one of my consistent thoughts as I read the biography was one of regret. Even though I celebrated his incredible accomplishments, it seemed like there was always a "but". Here are a few examples. 

•            His early- to mid-life seemed to be significantly impacted by feelings of abandonment by his birth parents, but he physically abandoned his first child and seemed to emotionally abandon all of his children at one point or another.  

•            He was passionate about products (and likely more so about the user experience) but unable to be passionate about relationships - he was often distant and even caustic with co-workers and family.

•            His passion drove many of his co-workers to do more than they thought possible but also drove many people away. 

•            He had an ability to focus like a laser on some important things (products, presentations) but ignored others (early stage cancer). 

•            He was blessed with some incredible talents, perhaps putting him in the most talented ranks of those who ever lived, but never really seemed to understand the creator that provided these talents.

•            He was able to micro-manage the smallest detail of a new product, but seemingly was unable to manage his own emotions in many dealings with other people. 

Steve was able to affect positive change in multiple areas of our lives - entertainment, music, movies, communication, technology. His influence was arguably the most substantial influence of any single individual in the technical fields of the last fifty years. But specifically, his inability to manage his own emotions seemed to hurt him substantially in relationships with other people. I can't help but wonder what he would have been able to accomplish if he was invest in people the way he invested in product design.  

I would not consider myself to be an "emotions first" leader. I believe leader should set high standards and hold people accountable, but I think a leader who can also inspire his people to do more by believing in them can likely accomplish more than one who becomes a tyrant. It's sometimes difficult to understand where Jobs' thoughts ended and Isaacson's began, but it really did seem like Jobs understood he wouldn't have a long life to accomplish all that he wanted. I just wonder if he would have lived the same life if he understood the true impact of his actions on others. But then again, I wonder if we all wouldn't say that. 

I'm not a father, so it is always difficult for me to truly understand what it takes to be a great parent. My understanding is one of Jobs' motivations for working with Isaacson was so that his children could know their father. That's pretty hard for me to understand - at least three of his children lived in a home with Jobs. How do they not know him already? My father was a pastor. He's retired now, but I remember growing up in the parsonage and the toll my father's job took on him. All jobs can be difficult, but leading a church seems to be a more difficult vocation than many. Still, I remember, growing up, my father took frequent breaks from working in the office or visiting parishioners to spend time with my brother and me.  

I remember once, when I was about sixteen, I asked my father why he spent so much time with us when he had so many other commitments. I'll never forget his reply - he told me it was a choice and he chose to focus on his priorities. In the people business, he placed the people in his family first. He believed that if he was the best pastor ever and lead all of his church to the Lord, but lost his own sons, he would consider himself a professional failure. This conversation left an indelible mark on my life in understanding how families should work and how leaders set priorities at work and at home.  

We'll never know, but I wonder how much more successful Jobs would have been if he had invested more with his family and his co-workers. What if he put people first and was an encourager instead of a screamer? Isaacson himself broached this subject with Jobs, who admitted he could have achieved the same results while being nicer, "but it's not who I am." The truth is, there is a difference between who we are and what we do. Being true to oneself doesn't require one to sacrifice people. 

Perhaps a more relationship-centric approach would have held him back, unable to make the great contributions to society he was able to deliver. But perhaps not, and his family and co-workers would have been better people for it. I think we all owe a lot to Jobs and how he improved our lives through the products we use, but I also owe so much to my father who taught me how to relate to people and set priorities.